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Home » Sport » Football

Clarke Carlisle confession: I wanted to die

Clarke Carlisle has admitted he deliberately stepped out in front of a lorry three days before Christmas. "I wanted to die," he said.

The former chairman of the Professional Footballers' Association sustained serious injuries and spent six weeks in hospital after the incident on the A64, near York, on Dec 22.

He returned home only last week and his wife, Gemma, wrote at the time: "Nearly 6 weeks on... Today I'm collecting Mr C to come home full time! Thanks once again for your amazing support and love. #luckytobehere"

However, North Yorkshire Police launched an investigation into the circumstances of the incident and appealed for witnesses. Carlisle is facing court action over an alleged drink-driving offence after being charged just days before the collision.

The former Queens Park Rangers player was charged with failing to provide a sample on Dec 20 and was to appear in court last month but the hearing was adjourned. But in an interview with The Sun, accompanied by a photograph showing his head heavily scarred, Carlisle, 36, admitted that he contemplated suicide.

"I wanted to die," said Carlisle, who claimed he acted the way he did because he had reached rock bottom in an 18-month battle with depression.

That followed his release by Burnley in 2011 and was exacerbated by him losing his £100,000-a-year ITV Champions League pundit role.

He says he reached such a low ebb that he felt taking his own life was the only way out.

"I had to die," he added. "This wasn't escaping or running away. This was the perfect answer.

"It made everyone happy and it ticked every box."

He detailed how after contemplating jumping into a river or underneath a train he decided to step out into traffic and picked out one of the lorries thundering towards him.

"I took two steps into the road and then jumped into the truck, like a full shoulder charge. I can remember that impact. Bang. Then lights out. I don't know how long had passed. It must have been a few minutes.

"I opened my eyes and I could see my hands in front of me and there's blood dripping down them. I thought, 'You're kidding me?'"

He concluded by saying he has spoken out to help others suffering from depression. "My road to recovery will be eternal," he said. "Today I am excited and I'm confident because I've finally been truly diagnosed."

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